The one where Castiel goes to to the movies
by JeffersonStarship
Summary: It started off such an ordinary day for Sam, Dean and Castiel, but soon turned into something entirely different. Major doses of surreal circumstances abound. xD


AUTHOR'S NOTE : And I retun to the crack!fic fold with a veangeance after a long absence. I don't own these characters, I am having fun with them only. I do have the suspicion that Cas owns me though. Warnings for major doses of surrealism ahead. xD

The One where Castiel goes to the Movies.

It started off such an ordinary day. The sun was shining, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and there was a thunderstorm raging somewhere in the distance, at least one metre away. Rather bizarrely, the storm seemed to be expending all of its energies onto the roof of just one building - a motel where the Winchesters, and Castiel were currently staying in.

Dean was bored, and was pacing the room, chewing on stray kernels of popcorn that no one but him knew where they were coming from, and Castiel was watching him with that intense stare that he always had on his face whenever he looked at Dean. His head was even tilted to one side the way that it did at times - also mostly when he looked at Dean.

Sam was trying to ignore Dean, and doing a very good job of it too, because he was looking at gnomes on the internet, until five seconds later, he finally got fed up with Dean's continuous pacing.

"Dean. Dude. Seriously. Do something, like, immediately," Sam finally said, before reaching out with one long arm to steal one of Dean's magically appearing kernels of popcorn. "Go and watch a movie or something. Take Castiel. Would you like that, Castiel? Would you like to see a movie?"

"I wouldn't mind. What's a movie?" Castiel asked, large blue eyes blinking in confusion.

"It's something you watch. Like The Lion King or something. Except obviously not The Lion King. I'm not taking you to see that," Dean said, with a scowl.

Castiel tilted his head on one side even more.

"What's wrong with The Lion King?" Sam asked, with a scowl.

"You like it, that's what's wrong with it," Dean snorted. "What's showing at the theater?"

"Pie Cassidy and The Halo Polisher Kid. Or you can watch Die Hard part 692. Or Star Trek, the Next Space Nine VS The Return of the Empire," Sam said, perusing a page of gnomes instead of the required movie listings page. "Or there's a movie called The Return of Uriel the Angelic Terrorist."

"Let's watch Uriel," both Dean and Castiel said in unison.

"Maybe we can get something to eat on the way," Dean said to Castiel, picking up his jacket, before shrugging into it. "I want bacon ... and cheese ... and a burger .... with bacon and cheese ... and hrm ... actually I want a chili cheese-dog."

"As you wish. Can I haz ice cream?" Castiel said, in a sudden random imitation of a LOLangel.

"Of course you can have ice cream. I'll even get you some chocolate sauce," Dean said, with a little smirk at the angel.

The pair of them made their goodbyes to Sam, before leaving, almost getting knocked down outside their motel room by the Pope and an entire squadron of papal police, as they stormed by. Castiel and Dean watched as the Pope stopped a randomly passing pedestrian by hitting him with a fish.

"No one expects the Pope and his papal Inquisition!" shouted the Pope, proving that he had been watching far too much Monty Python and The Flying Circus when he was younger.

Neither Castiel nor Dean took further notice, even when the Pope tried blessing the random pedestrian's ass with Holy Water, bent over a font which had appeared from nowhere, but had probably just come from one of the Pope's voluminous robe sleeves.

Castiel and Dean just continued walking ignoring the pedestrian's screams of horror as the cold water touched bare skin.

On the way through the park, which was nearby, even though the nearest park was about two states away, Dean bought his chili cheese-dog, and Castiel his strawberry ice cream with chocolate sauce. He didn't offer Castiel crushed nuts though.

Neither of them took any notice of a large poster the size of the Eiffel Tower stuck on the side of a bus, promoting the latest issue of PlayAngel magazine with a special centrefold of Heaven's Hottest Angel, aka Castiel. Dean looked at it and considered a subscription.

Meanwhile, somewhere off in the distance, Zachariah the Ninja Smiter was smiting some bitches in the most ninja like way. It was almost as if Castiel and Dean couldn't see him, despite the fact that Zachariah swept past them on wings of shadow chasing a man in a dressing gown who looked suspiciously like the Prophet Chuck and probably really was the Prophet Chuck. Unless he'd made up a fake LiveJournal account and he was actually someone completely different.

"Stop prophesizing, or I'll smite you. Get dressed in proper clothes, or I'll smite you," yelled Zachariah at the slowly running Prophet Chuck. "Do you understand? 'Cos if you don't, I'll smite you!"

The Prophet Chuck didn't take any notice, just carried on running, as though the very devil was after him. He was wrong in that. It was actually an angel, proving that even a prophet can get it wrong sometimes.

All too soon, at least three hours and twenty one minutes after they had left the motel, Castiel and Dean arrived at the theater, where Bambi was outside arguing with Thumper over just who was better, Marilyn Manson or Nine Inch Nails. Dean predictably told them the answer they were looking for was Metallica, at which point Bambi and Thumper's argument changed to who could do the best puppy dog eyes, Bambi or Castiel.

Dean walked off in a daze, while Castiel tried to smite the chocolate sauce from his coat with angelic smiting powder, which was advertised could get even the toughest of stains out of angel's clothing.

"I think the place might be closed, Cas," Dean said, with a groan, when the doors he was currently rattling proved to be locked.

He knew this because of the double padlocks keeping the door firmly in place, plus the myriad chains criss crossed across the doors themselves, plus the "closed" sign was a very small indication as well. The leopard who was posing as a guard dog watched with a baleful eye nearby.

"I was looking forward to seeing Uriel again. I miss seeing his shiny head and his winning smile," Castiel said with a pout. "He was the funniest angel in the garrison."

"I heard that one before," Dean said, still not convinced. "It was very funny."

"Maybe we should go back to the motel," Castiel suggested, already turning away despondently.

"Maybe. No doubt the movie will already be on YouTube anyway," Dean said, with a half shrug using both shoulders. "Besides, I wanna order a subscription of PlayAngel online while stocks last."

Castiel didn't take any notice, as he was too busy getting chased by the guard leopard at the time. He managed to shake off the leopard's impending attack by throwing the whole box of angelic smiting powder over the heavily spotted animal, and so, removing all of the leopard's spots in one fell swoop. The leopard decided it was a fish and wandered off.

Approximately four hours and eleven minutes later, they arrived back at their motel. There was a snowstorm attacking the building, this time, but other than that, the weather was lovely. Dean stole Sam's laptop from his brother's lap, while Sam was asleep, while Castiel found a long lost Winchester brother hiding under the bed, where he'd been for nineteen years. No one was surprised when the third brother turned out to really be a ghoul, who happened to bear a striking resemblance to their missing brother. It was all news to the ghoul, meanwhile and he ran off screaming into the night.

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly enough, with Dean and Castiel finally watching their movie online. Castiel laughed at Uriel, Dean subscribed to the PlayAngel magazine and Sam dreamt of gnomes, so everyone was happy.

The End.


End file.
